WRITE NOW THERAPY!

SELF-DESTRUCTIVE HABITS LIVE IN OUR UNRESOLVED PAIN

The ways in which people hurt themselves are endless. Whether it is through hurting ourselves physically with cutting, burning or other areas of self-mutilation or in the relationships we seek out. Perhaps sleeping with partners who abuse us in various ways or belittle us. Or allowing people to use us in various forms including sexually or as “slaves” or “servants” doing everything for them. Maybe there are other ways you abuse yourself with drugs, booze, pills, or food.

The list can go on and on in various forms of hurt we allow yourself to suffer and it all boils down to one simple thing: self-hatred. Somewhere along the way in our life we picked up the idea that we are not worth being loved or even living. That our worth is below that of other “more fortunate” people. Situations in our lives where we were abused in any form at a young age has stayed with us. “If they or he or she could do this to me, I must not be worth anything. I am a hateful person of little value.”

The reflection in the mirror became hard to look at and in many cases we only gathered a sense of value in ourselves by allowing ourselves to be used and abused in life. At the very least, the attention I get from doing this is better than no attention at all.

There are some of us with severe self-hatred problems caused on past abusive experiences. For others, the self-hatred isn’t as severe. However, allowing people to use us in any way that reduces our value is a problem. Maybe we allow someone at work or church take advantage of us. Maybe we seek romantic relationships with people where inequality is present or the relationship is of a co-dependent nature.

Even at a less severe, our allowing ourselves to be used in anyway leads to emotional hurt where ultimately we find that “our needs” aren’t being met. Our own self-esteem issues allow us to find ways we hurt ourselves or allow others to hurt themselves.

Here’s a major reality check. The only person who should be taking care of your needs is yourself. Even in a marriage, it is your responsibility to ensure your needs are met – NOT the other person (sorry but it’s true). Even if you are the child in a parent/child relationship and you are reading this article, you are responsible to make sure you needs are met – NOT them.

That can be tough to grasp in the philosophy of “if they really loved me they would want to take care of me.” Yeah, probably, but not necessarily. When we expect others to do for us what we won’t do for ourselves, it is yet another way we find to hurt ourselves.

TBC