WRITE NOW THERAPY!

When we don’t know who we really are, it is easy to allow other people to make us who they want us to be. It can be a humongous challenge to figure out who we are. So much so that we can give up on that quest and just comfortably allow others to make us into what they want us to be. We can shrug our shoulders and just go along with it. Whether it is our parents or a spouse or teacher or children, when we don’t know who we really are, we will allow our identity to morph into what other people want or need us to be.

Doing that can be comfortable for a while, but it is not likely to last. Something outside ourselves will change. Our spouse leaves us. Our children grow up and move away. Our parents die. Life doesn’t stay the same from beginning to end. It is in constant motion. Like a roller coaster there are up and downs, loops, jerks, drops, and twist that take us all over the place until it ends.

If you are at a place right now where you just don’t feel like you are yourself anymore or have morphed into something you no longer (or ever) wanted to be, this isn’t infinite. As trapped as we might feel and as “uncharacteristic” any changes we make will feel to other people, we find ourselves in this point of life – no matter where in life you are right now.

Change can happen. People don’t like change. The problem is life can change at any point and likely will change, so you need to get used to and accept it. Not fear it. When I was a corporate manager, I often would tell my employees, “If we aren’t changing, we won’t get better.” If there are things that need to get better or need to improve (from any perspective), something will need to change.

All we can control in our life is what we do and how we feel about it. We can’t control how other people will react to our identity and the changes we make. More than likely, they will do all they can to prevent you from changing because your change is making them uncomfortable.

So are you ready to change? If you are, you need to be willing to look at yourself in a mirror (both physically and metaphorically). Are you ready to look at yourself and see the real you?

It can be difficult to look at ourselves and figure out what we can do and who we believe we should be. We’ll allow others to dictate it for us because it’s easier to listen to someone else. There is comfort in being able to blame others for who we are because they made us like this. Ouch! That should sting.

TIRED OF BEING SOMEONE EVERYONE ELSE WANTS ME TO BE

If you are tired of being the person you allowed other people to make you, it is going to be just as hard to find out who you want you to be outside of their influence. Sadly, some of you will retreat back to the person others want you to be because there is comfort there.

Pain comes from having to figure out who you are and being willing to be that person. The person you know as the real you. The one you are supposed to be. It’s scary to be that person at first (but not always) because people want you to be the person you have allowed them to make you into.

Perhaps you are hiding who you know you are for fear of rejection. The fear of rejection is the most crippling of all the fears in life. We will avoid being ourselves for the fear that the person we know we are won’t be liked. Again, it is easier to be the person others want us to be because we know they like that person. The problem being the person they created in you may be may that we don’t like ourselves being something we know we aren’t.

YOU CAN ONLY BE SOMEONE YOU’RE NOT FOR SO LONG

For years, I allowed myself to be in a career and job I hated because at first I knew it was a path my parents wanted for me. As I progressed along that path even in the beginning I knew I was being someone and working toward something I didn’t like. I often dreamed about what life would be like if I was able to be the person I knew I wanted to be. I was just too afraid to be that person because I had been told I would be successful doing that.

I traveled along the road I was told made more sense and was a better choice of careers. Along the way, I was making more and more money. The lifestyle it brought me was rich but ultimately hallow. I created a monster of need under the course I traveled. It became necessary to stay in the job because it supported the lifestyle the job and career brought with it. What a sellout I was. I despised the person I was because I knew I allowed myself to fall for the traps the lifestyle afforded.

NEVER TOO LATE TO BUILD SOMETHING NEW

In order to break free from the trap I had allowed myself to be stuck in, I would need to build something new that would pay the bills but wasn’t necessarily the top income earner my other job was. I knew if I had to do it all over again, I would choose a major in college that best aligned with who I knew I was regardless of what someone else (like a parent) wanted me to be. So what if the major I chose wouldn’t make me the most money, I could be just as happy, and perhaps successful as I was now, being the person I knew I should have allowed develop.

Even at my late age in life, it wasn’t too late to turn it all around. I was willing to try. Perhaps I wouldn’t have the time to go all the way back and start completely over, what I had learned in my decades of life is that there was a lot of satisfaction in being myself and giving myself to others in a field that made more sense then the path I had carved out for myself due to the richness that non-fulfilling life could bring me.

I was willing to look at myself and realize the person I had become was not who I wanted to be. I needed to find a career that engaged in different ways. Ways that more aligned with who I was.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?

Who are you really? What about who you are or want to be or even wanted to be has been suppressed by the life you are in right now?What were your dreams you left behind because someone else told you not to follow them?

Take some time right now and write down who you remember yourself wanting to be. Who did you want to be when you grew up? And how can you bring to life that person in the life you are living now? If you change the course of your life, how much can you change right now? What would the steps be to make a change in your life? Remember, change requires a bunch of small steps to make big changes. Things don’t happen overnight. What are you willing to do today to become the person you can be proud to be. The person you know you should be and not the one others claim for themselves.

You don’t get over the mountain just looking or thinking about it. You get over the mountain taking a step toward and over it. Success is made of many small steps along the way over the mountain. You’ll never reach the peak of who you want to be without taking the first small step now.

It’s your life to live. Live it to be the person you want to be.