WRITE NOW THERAPY!

Why is it when we look at all our problems we get overwhelmed? Yet, we look at someone else’s problems, we think we could handle that. Why is it that our own reflection in the mirror is more complicated than our view of anyone else in the world. We’re quick to complicate our own issues simply because they are are happening to us (me).

The average person has everything they need to solve most of their problems. Your brain and a little guidance is all you need to start the journey of fixing your problem. It starts with a pen or pencil (personal choice) and a piece of paper. A journal is probably better but if you don’t have that – plain paper or any kind of paper will do – even wrapping or toilet paper can be used.

Your problems will not magically go away the moment you start writing. The size and complexity of the problem will determine how much writing you have to do. However, once you start writing and really let yourself do it uninhibited, the flood gates will open and a journey of self-discovery will push you down a path that will help you unwind what your problems are and eventually fix them and allow you to find happiness.

No, it’s not that easy. It won’t be easy especially depending on the problem. You may have heard the saying, “the only way to get over something is to go through it.” We humans, particularly us males, struggle with allowing ourselves the openness to demonstrate or exhibit our short-comings. Human pride prevents us from dealing with issues from our past or present because we look at it as a sign of weakness to even acknowledge our problems. It’s funny how society has twisted what is considered strong or brave. Society says that you are weak if you even acknowledge your weakness. However, the act, itself, of pushing through the pain of our past and problems, is the hardest thing you may do. Talk about strong and brave.

DON’T LET FEAR WIN!

Roosevelt said on the brink of WW2 “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” It is our fear of what could happen that renders us motionless. It is not what will happen but what could happen.

There plenty of inspirational books out there now that encourage you to break free of your fears by facing. One that I absolutely love is “Can’t Hurt Me” by David Goggins. An incredible story and incredible call to action to face your worst fears and you’ll find they aren’t as bad as you expect them to be. It is our fear that scares of. Our fear of rejection. Our fear of being unlovable. Our fear of death. We tell ourselves all the horrible things that could happen to us but mostly, none of them ever do (Yes, I know we all will eventually die just not how you fear you will right now).

When we let our fears take control of our lives, we huddle, shelter, and hide away from what we fear. The world continues to create ways we can disconnect from real life however we choose. Vices like drugs, alcohol, pills, porn, and the “meta universe” give us the dopamine high that helps us momentarily escape what we fear. Those short burst of relief encourage more and more until you can’t really live or control your emotions without it. You may say you are not an addict but ask the people who know you best and they will tell you right away what you are addicted to. What you are using to run away from real life.

ADULTING IS HARD

I get it. Life is hard. It has plenty of things we have to do that aren’t fun. Mommy & Daddy sure made it seem easy and living with them is extremely comforting. But that is not how life is meant to be lived. What are you limiting yourself from in life if you live (as adult) with your parents? What confidence is found in the freedom you feel being on your own? What unnecessary grief do you face because you’re afraid to get out on your own. Or perhaps you were on your own and it didn’t work out as you expected. So what. It doesn’t mean you can’t do it.

Don’t get me wrong. I know life and living on your own can be extremely expensive. It is hard to cover rent and utilities and gas for your car and food. It is perfectly acceptable to retreat in life to a place like living with your family but as an adult it should not be permanent (unless you are caretaker of the family member). Your ultimate goal, and I know it is a fantasy for nearly everyone still living with family, is to get out on your own.

That goal can be a reality but it takes baby steps to get yourself to that place in your life. It starts with you getting off that couch or out of bed. It is one small step. I know you do it when you have to use the restroom but this is a first step in a new direction.

Before you take the actual step, let’s talk about a plan to get things back on track for yourself. You may have plenty of things that scare you. You may have plenty of problems you need to overcome. The first step to moving forward is to have a plan. Take some time right now to list out all your fears in one column and all your problems on a separate column. Go on! Do it. You don’t even need to get off the couch or out of bed to do it. Grab and pen and any piece of paper and write a list of what you are afraid or and a list of all your problems. It will be freeing to see them on a list instead of letting them dance in your head.

Once you have that list, look at the problems first. Some are big. Some should be small. Pick one problem to tackle first. The solution in dealing with any problem you choose to focus on is to focus on one problem first. Pick something small and do it first. Maybe one of your problems is that you look a mess or your room is mess. Those are good ones to start with. If you look a mess go and take a shower. That is the first step in fixing that problem. Next you can get your hair combed or cut, put on makeup and clean clothes. Take pride in how your look. Throw out the clothes that you hate yourself in. Maybe even burn them. You’re already making sacrifices. Wash the clothes you decide to keep. Maybe wash them with a new detergent. A new fresh smell goes a long way in our emotional health.

If your problem is your room is a mess. Start by making your bed. Throw out the trash. Get rid of the stuff you are hanging onto that you don’t really want or need. Vacuum your rug. Wash your windows and dust those blinds. Open the dam blinds and let the sun light in. Wash your bedding.

These are small problems but accomplishing them in steps like this show you can accomplish thing. Your sense of accomplishment will lighten your mental load even if just a little bit.

Continue to conquer one problem at a time and then move on to something else. I have worked through plenty of problems and addictions in my life. As a middle-aged adult, I suffered a major breakdown which required some serious mental health care. I was in a fog of living, existing, without much focus. The first three things I was told I needed to do (problems to solve) was shower everyday, eat three balanced meals and a day and get at least 7-8 hours a sleep. I wasn’t do these things but I thought “these are not going to solve my problems. I’ll do them but this isn’t going to work.”

Within two days of me doing these “stupidly” simple things I was not doing every day, I, uh, actually started to feel better. As simple as they sound when you really look at committing to them, it is easier said then done. To get 8 hours of sleep, I was going to have to set and keep a bedtime. As adults we think we don’t need to do that. We are free to do whatever we want. Maybe go to bed one night at 12:30 am another night 2 am. What they don’t tell you is that setting a steady sleep routine improves your mental and physical health. That alone can make you feel better.

Eating balanced meals a day was going to require some planning. Sure I knew the basic food groups but I never really ate them all especially in a balanced meal sort of way. Showering too was going to require a daily routine in order to make it happen every day. The efforts were more than I had done but not crazy. The small amount of effort I made was having a positive effect on me in small ways. Ways that opened my eyes to other things I could work on

As I knocked off the small problems one by one, I was feeling better about the next big one. “If I could do that, I would do this.” I was working on my problems list one at a time and slowly the list of fears started to shorten as well. Small things I was afraid of seemed easier to accomplish. Working through the problems made working through my addiction much easier. I was beginning to find my way through my problems and it all started with writing a list of my fears and problems.

WRITE AWAY YOUR PROBLEMS

So you don’t think writing a list of fears and problems counts as writing. I get it. However, there is a positive transitional effect when you take emotional thoughts into words on a written page. Our brain has a sense of security knowing that there is “backup storage” of those things in another form that can bring anxiety down in various dosages depending on the individual. That sense of release even in list form brings down both stress and anxiety levels. It is a solid first step.

Now imagine how much you could reduce your stress and anxiety by putting all the problems floating around and start to make sense of them in written form? Beyond your list, when you begin to tackle each problem one by one, you are going to take pen to paper to dissect the problem into smaller bits.

It starts by writing down what your problem is. Write in unlimited detail what the problem is. Where did it come from? How long have you had it? What caused the problem in the first place? How has it made life difficult for you? Who knows about your problem?

You need to look at it from every angle possible. When you think you have thought of everything – stop. Put the pen down but keep thinking about it. I suggest you keep that pen and paper close by because inspiration strikes when we least expect it. Write when more about it comes to you. Then give it a rest for another day and come back to it and see what else you want to say about it. The more we unlock the more we will find. It’s like we are digging for treasure. We shovel off the top layers of the problem and the deeper we go, the more we find to reveal. Keep up at this until a full 48-hours has past and nothing left is to be written. You likely have all your mind wants to reveal right now. But don’t stop until you a full 48 hours have past with nothing else to write. This could take days or weeks. Depending on your problem, your mind, and how much you have locked away will determine how long this part of the journey will take. And there is no right or wrong way to do this. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to write everything. It doesn’t mean you are more messed up the longer or shorter you write. You and the way your mind works is exclusively yours. It really can’t be compared to others.

DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR WRITING

I need to also tell you don’t worry about how you write. Forget about punctuation or grammar or writing style. That doesn’t matter. Write in your own version of shorthand if that helps (I have a tendency to drop vowels out of words when I write fast just for myself). The only thing that matters is you taking the time to put as much as you can on paper and then being able to understand what most of it says. I didn’t say all of it for a reason. When we get to really writing our brain moves faster than our hands and somethings may not make sense.

Now for the good stuff. As simple as it will seem, just you taking the time to write down your problem like I am suggesting will make you feel better. Maybe a little bit or it could be more. You may have not even solved your problem yet but the simple act of you writing it down will make you feel better. When we write things down, we subconsciously release what we have written from needing to be held onto in our mind. Our mind trusts that since we wrote it down, it isn’t entirely important to remember it. Don’t misinterpret this. I am not saying you will forget the problem – it will still be there. However, there will be a slight sense of relief after you write the problem down.

That sense of relief should inspire you to return to it and write again. Writing can be that powerful. You just have to be willing to do it and let it go wild inhibition. Forget about pushing it down or coloring over it with quick fix solutions. Let yourself and your writing go to new places.

It likely won’t be Shakespeare or Hemingway but no one else cares. You’re doing this for you.

I know it sounds sophomorically simple. However, it is something you can do. Part of our problem is we hang onto our problems. We let them soak into our head and stew on them. We even push them down deep and try to avoid them. We color them over with vices that make us forget about them. Yet, we know they are still there waiting for us to deal with them.