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Happiness is that elusive mystery of life. For many it is a far off destination that seems only available to the rich, successful, and those who have passed on from this life into the next. If you ask most people what they want out of life or for their kids in life they would say “to be happy.”

In the American constitution, our inalienable rights are to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Happiness is not a right given to us by anyone including our founding fathers, parents, friends or soceity at large. It is up to us to find our happiness ourselves.

The pursuit of happiness is one of the most difficult things about life. It is hard to make ourselves, let alone others, happy. We can set goals with the idea that if we achieve this goal we will be happy. The truth is that if we learn anything from those who are successful, too many of them demonstrate true unhappiness. Why is that so many of our esteemed celebrities, be it actors, singers, sport figures, end their life by suicide or by drug overdose? Could it be that the success we see for them did not bring them the internal happiness they thought it would?

What the world shows us is success seems very unsuccessful if there are countless examples of those who “succeed” end up failing in the pursuit of happiness. Their lives may seem all sunshine, roses, and perfect in the way we view them in social media. Yet, we need to understand that like us, they present their best possible self to the world, hiding reality and all that truly hurts them inside.

QUICK FIXES DON’T HAVE LASTING HAPPINESS

In the void of happiness, we find “solutions” or numbing agents that help us avoid our unhappiness. Our most modern society has taken excess to new levels. Addictions issues have become so numerous that they are hard to count. “Simple” addictions like drugs, alcohol, and gambling have new cousins of addictions that include various forms of sex addiction, self-harm addictions like cutting, burning, bulemia and anerexia, self-improvement addictions like excessive plastic surgery and excessive tattoing, addiction of deception like lying, creating a false self in life or online, and addictions of excess like shopping, working, monetary gain. The list goes on and one.

Ultimatelty, these things can cause great hurt to either ourselves or the people around us. The temporary satisfaction such addictions bring are typically followed by guilt and shame for the addict. Internally, the guilt and shame feeds the need for more addiction and it becomes a cycle that is incredibly hard to move away from. Temporary happiness or dopamene highs are not true happiness.

WHERE TRUE HAPPINESS COMES FROM

Your true happiness needs to come from your own development of identity, expression and purpose. These three elements of self-discovery bring about happiness in being who you are at all times and having a purpose in your life. The meaning of life is finding meaning in your life. It may be hard to grasp but meaning doesn’t come from what you do for yourself, but through a purpose in life that gives back to others in your life. Eyerolling be damned.

If you think of times that you had lasting happiness, more often then not you are going to find that happiness came from times you gave to someone else. It’s not just about giving gifts although that does spring greater happiness than receiving. If you disagree, have you really given a gift?

Meaning in life comes from self-sacraficing for others whether that is loved ones like a spouse, your children, your co-workers, teachers in classrooms, medical staff to patients, in church, in charity. Again, not in monetary ways always, but time, talent and treasure are the three ways we can give of ourselves to other.

Self-gratification typically leads to addiction and depression. Giving of yourself in a purpose-given way to others will bring you happiness like you may not have now. Give a little now and see what comes of it. If it find it satisfying, find your individual purpose for life. From finding purpose, comes hope and hope bridges the gap between purpose and happiness.

WHAT DO I HAVE TO GIVE?

You may be asking yourself what do I have to give? True happiness comes from finding your purpose in life. Your purpose comes from knowing who you are and how you express yourself. For example, if you identify yourself as someone who loves to come, you could express yourself through cooking for others whether for your family, as a caterer, professional chef or cook. This would mean you find your happiness is cooking for others. The food you prepare brings the people who eat it joy and, therefore, you receive joy from the giving of that experience.

Happiness in life comes from sharing your joy of something with other people. So in a way, it is giving a gift. The gift of your passion to someone else in what you do with what brings you job.

FINDING YOUR PASSION

Don’t get me wrong. Finding your passion and purpose can be difficult. For many it is not an easy path of discovery. Perhaps we have buried our self under years of guilt, abuse, and/or denial. Maybe life went down a detour somewhere a long the way and we got way off course with who we are, were, or wanted to be. It is never to late to get back on course.

Getting back on course may not be easy. I struggled for years to uncover the truth of my passion and purpose under what I thought other people wanted for me and under the weight of doing what I thought I needed to. It can be a trapped feeling. Ultimately, changing a course strung out on decades of misdirection makes it very hard and laborious to course correct.

For me the process of giving myself the freedom to be who I wanted to be and change the direction of my life (in where I lived and what career I had) required patience. A lot of small steps can equal great reward but somewhere in the middle of that journey it can be hard to see the outcome you desire. You just can’t quit because you don’t see the light ahead along the way. It will eventually come.

STRIVING FOR HAPPINESS

No one else can make you happy. It is up to you. Defining who you are and what you want to do is a big part of finding your happiness. “The pursuit of happiness” is our ultimate goal. How are you going about finding it for yourself?