WRITE NOW THERAPY!

This can be a scary feeling. Trust me. I know.

If we are in a place in our life where it feels like everything is going down the wrong way, it can lead us to a place where we think we just can’t take it anymore. Whatever is going on in your life right now is painful but it’s not the end.

The very fact that you are acknowledging your pain right now and reaching out for help is a good sign. No one wants their life to go down this path. We want nothing more than for this to not be happening, but unfortunately it has come to this. This time. Right now.

The good thing is that “every minute in our life is a chance to turn it all around” including this one. It may be bad but it still can all be turned around right here. Right now. There is hope.

HERE’S HOPING

Hope is the thing that tells us to hang on, help is on the way, things are going to get better. When circumstances in our lives feel hopeless and helpless it becomes hard to see the possibilities as we spiral downward. There are many things that contribute to our feeling like our lives have no hope.  The possibilities are endless. At the same time, the possibilities of turning everything around are also endless.

NO ONE IS IMMUNE TO PAIN & HOPELESSNESS

There isn’t a person on earth, past or present, who hasn’t felt hopeless at some point in their life. When things don’t go the way we expect or things seem unchangeable we will feel like its impossible to get out of the circumstances we are in. It simply isn’t true. No matter what your current situation is, it does not have to be the end. You have unmeasurable possibilities to turn things around. You just can’t see them right now because your world is glazed over with a gray-day feeling of helplessness.

DO THIS NOW!

I want you to take some time, right now, grab a piece of paper and pen. Any piece of paper is fine; an envelop, backside of a bill you can’t pay, from a notebook, a journal, any paper you can write on.

Make three columns on the page. One column is to list everything that is going wrong right now. Now is your chance to take an actual inventory of everything that you think is wrong. Leave no stone unturned. Heck, you may even need two pieces of paper to capture it. Write everything you can think of and don’t stop writing until you can’t think of another thing.

Go ahead and do it. Do it right now. I’ll wait.

Did you make that list of everything that is wrong with your life right now? Did you capture it all? Or did you just keep reading this article and not do what you should?

Hey, it’s your life. Are you just looking for empty words or are you here because you really want to get better. Are you here looking for hope or looking for someone just to tell you how terrible you are? I’m only here to give you the support you need to get out of your helpessness. You’re reading this now because you’re looking for help, aren’t you?

Go write that first list right now. Do it! This article will be here suspended in the internet space waiting for your return. Go back and make that first list. Again, I’lll wait.

If you have made a list of everything that is going wrong in your life – good. You should be proud of yourself for that. It isn’t easy to do. Let alone have to look down at the list you have written on the page.

NOW DO THIS! HERE’S STEP 2

Here’s the next step. In the second column, I want you to make a list of everything that is going good in your life. Oh no, I see the eye rolls. “Don’t you understand. The reason I’m here is because there is nothing going good right now. I’ve lost all hope because there is nothing good going on in my life.”

I hate to tell you this but it simply isn’t true. As many bad things that are going on right now that bring you hopelessness, there are just as many things that are going good for you. You just can’t see them. So let’s work on writing these down. Let’s brainstorm together:

1. Are you breathing right now? Duh. That is a good thing.
2. Do you have brain function right now? “Duh, that is what is telling me it’s hopeless.”
3. How is your health? There may be some things not going great with your health but what are some of the good things? Your sight. Your hearing. Smell. Arms, legs, fingers, toes. Heart, lungs, liver, stomach. What about you is healthy and don’t say nothing. Look for it.
4. Have you had something to eat? When was the last time you ate or drank something? What was it? Was it good? Favorite food? Chocolate chip cookie? Coffee? Bread?
5. Do you have a place to live? Transportation? A bed? Clothes? Shoes? Blanket? Jacket?
6. Your computer or your phone; something that you can access the internet on. This website. This article.
7. Things in nature. The sun. The wind. The trees. Beach. Park. Natural things that spark gladness fror you.
8. Books you have read and enjoyed. TV shows. Movies. Music.
9. A job. School. Church or religious center. The library.
10. People in your life. You may feel like you have no one but who do you have? Family, Friend, Neighbor? Co-worker? Pastor, priest, religious leader? Teacher? Mentor? Me? That woman who smiles at you when you drive by? The man who waves at you from down the street?

I want you to keep thinking about what you have in your life that is good. Often it is the simple things in life that matter most but often get overlooked. We can get so carried away by all that is going wrong that we are quick to forget about even the simple things in life that matter.

When faced with hopelessness in my life, I was encouraged by a friend to start writing down three things every day that I was thankful for. Things that were going good. I’d write down things as simple as my warm bed. The sun and weather (I am greatly influenced by the weather). Something I ate.

I continued doing this for weeks and then months. If I forgot one day, I would force myself to do six the next day. I would do this right before going to bed so that I could think about these things as I drifted off. It made it easier to sleep.

STEP 3: WHAT CAN YOU DO?

In the third column, I want you write about things you can turn around for yourself. These may be things from your first list or maybe they were suggestions I made here that gave you pause (“I want that in my life”).

Think about all the things you have control over. Start with the easy things. Saying you want to lose 50 lbs is not an easy task so don’t start with that.

BRAINSTORM CHANGE

Let’s brainstorm. What is something you can change to make things better?

Can you change your clothes? Hair style? Bedding? Deodorant? “Is he serious? These are going to help?” Actually small things are a good way to get started. The goal is to find things you can change that will make you feel better about yourself.

What about your routine can you change? Daily or weekly? Where can you add something into your routine that could have a positive effect. Before you say you have no time, I call bullshit! I’m talking about as little as 15 minutes in a day to add a simple routine. You can find 15 minutes. Get up earlier or go to bed later. Put the phone down for 15 minutes or more. Do you want to get better or not? You have to find a place to make even a small change.

How about changing your job? Your career? Your education? What can you do different in your life? A job or schooling takes up so much of your time, in order to change how you feel, you need to take steps to make a change here. This is not something that will happen overnight. This is longer term and why you need to start with the smaller things mentioned above. Those smaller things can have an immediate effect. Something like changing your job, career, or schooling will take more time. However, no matter what you say, you can change it. 

What relationships can you change in your life? Who are the people in your life who are positive influences on you and who are more negative? Are the negative people in your life really worth being around? We can’t change our family but we can change the frequency of the relationship with them (see Boundaries).

Are you in a romantic relationship that doesn’t work for you anymore? How can you change that? There may be circumstances like children that make any change here hard but there are opportunities to change the dynamics of the relationship. Relationship counseling may be needed in certain instances. However, there are situations in relationships where people hang onto a relationship for the fear of being alone. Are you one of those people staying in a relationship because you think it is better than being alone? Is that really good for you?

What other relationships need to change? Are your friends really your friends? Do they lift you up or bring you down? What is your “friends with benefits” relationship doing for you? Making you feel better or worse about yourself? Minutes of pleasure followed my hours or days of guilt, shame, loneliness.

Take the time now to write a list in that third column of all the things you CAN change about yourself or situation. Doesn’t mean you are going to change them all. This is your acknowledging what you have control over. What you could do. Maybe even what you should do. Again, you are not committing to changing them, only to the fact that you can change them.

Take the time now to do this. Go on. I’ll wait.

Did you write down the lists? If not, there is little point in reading anymore. If you want things to be better in your life you need to take actions. Small actions make big leaps when done one step at a time. If you want hope, you need to do something to show you have control.

After writing down the lists, how do you feel now about your situation? Certainly you have acknowledged all the bad things going on in your life. But you have also acknowledged all the good things. As simple as some of them are, they are there to bring you joy even in the smallest of ways. They are something to hold onto.

SOLUTIONS START SMALL

Then there are the things you know you can change about yourself and situation but don’t. You may not be able or willing to change them all now but you know you have power over them. Why not find one small thing you can do now and focus on one small thing or two to change at a time. Finding hope even in the smallest places possible is hope none the less. Find a way to find what you can that will bring you hope.

Hopelessness clouds the truth when we focus on a limited vision of who we are and what we are capable of. There people who live an entire life without hope. However, there are just as many people in the same situation, right now, taking even the smallest steps of hope on their journey to making things better in their life. What are you going to do? Continue driving down Hopeless Avenue or get out of the car, get on the sunny side of the sidewalk and take the necessary small steps in the opposite direction toward Hope Street? You don’t even need a car, shoes or socks, just your bare feet will do. Just do it!